Words With Friends

Pretty sure this post will only be funny to me.  These are series of texts between me and some of my best friends.  It's basically proof that we're all a little too twisted to function normally in society without each other.  Or, you can go here, and laugh at someone else's ridiculous texts.  Either way, man, just so it swings.

MMG:  Do you think I should dye my hair?  I figure I need a drastic change to go with my quarter-life crisis.
EB:  Well, absolutely.  I chopped off all my hair and started wearing dresses with bitch boots when I went through mine.  Cheaper than therapy, and it give the added bonus of everyone complimenting you on your snazzy new look.
MMG:  Hahaha, I love you.  Move to Nashville, please...Also, B moves here today.  JB signed up for eHarmony.  And SF is trying to make nice.  I might run screaming.
EB:  See what happens when everyone you know moves to town?  Better to have some distance so that you can miss me.  Otherwise, you'll get really mad when I take up with a new age cult and expect you to join.
MMG:  I can board you at my house as long as you don't mind ingesting dog hair.  It's a great source of protein.
EB:  Thanks, but I'm tryna watch my figure.



MMG:  Ugh, I think we should drive down there and throw rocks at her.  And David should drink drink a glass smoothie with a little whipped insulation topping.  And a cherry.
EB:  Can they be pointy rocks?  None of this rounded river stone business.  I'm talking a piece of The Crag.
MMG:  There's my girl!


JB:  It's STAPH infection, you nit.  The bugger's not working for you, as in STAFF.  Jesus, I love ego combined with ignorance.  It's humorous.
EB:  I have no idea what this is about, but it makes me giggle.  It's like the time that girl spent an entire presentation in Canfield's class saying how super-FLU-ous something was.


EB: Yeah, I totally understand.  When I build my ark, none of this two by two bullshit.  Everyone gets on single file, no talking.
EK: Ugh come here.  Because right now I don't even have the motivation to open a damn bottle of wine.  (This is me manipulating you into coming here by using your favorite lures. Wine.)
EB:  Ah, yes.
EK:  Is it working?
EB:  How many times have I been trapped in a box with a stick tied to a string because there was a bottle of wine hiding in it?
EK:  Or Nutella
EB: Why does it have to be either/or?  NUTELLA WINE.  It'll be a great seller.
EK: I'm both disgusted and curious.  And sad because Nutella wine sounds like a spinster's delight.  And I want it.
EB:  Embrace it; it'll just be easier than trying to deny yourself
EK:  That's the mindset that allowed me to start smoking again.  Which I know really isn't your thing, but I assure you it's far better than whatever Nutella wine has to offer me.
EB: Oh.  Oh, no.
EK: Just for this week.  Then I'm quitting again.
EB: Uh huh.  Eva, you cannot walk down the aisle at my currently non-existent wedding with an oxygen tank trailing behind you.  It won't match the dresses.
EK: The neat trick with cigs is that I find it impossible to cry and inhale smoke at the same time.  So that's what we're using to make it through work.  Because I don't know if you remember but I counsel people for a living.
EB:  Oh right, I seem to remember you mentioning something about that once.


And if you're still here (why are you still here?), take a listen to this. It's pretty much the best thing ever. Because Sara's the best thing ever. I'm thinking about quitting my job and becoming her full-time groupie (just kidding, Dad!!!.....kinda.)